I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
