I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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