I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
