Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize