you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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