My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
