I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
