Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
