This is not my ceiling
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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