OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
