I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
