I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
