I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
