What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
