I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
