No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
