I want to walk on stilts...naked
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
