Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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