I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
