DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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