Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to make out with him forever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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