I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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