your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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