At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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