Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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