I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
