I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
