it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
