At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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