And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
