I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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