i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
