Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
