I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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