awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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