i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
