I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
