I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
