are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
