i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
