So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
