I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
