so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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