There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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