Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
cat food counts as protein by the way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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