I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
