You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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