Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
