Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
