ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
