saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
