Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
