girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
