He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
