i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
two words...techno handjob
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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