they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think your dad took our porno
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
