drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you would pick up someone in the library
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
