Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
