I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
