i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
