Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
