i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
